I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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