I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
