I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
