my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
