help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
