my soul wont recognize me after tonight
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
