just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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