420 ftw
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
