I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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