Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
