I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
