I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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