I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
