I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
