when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
