That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
