someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You've changed since you got that strap on
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
