Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
