If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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