you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
