Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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