I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
