definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
