what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
