I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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