We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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