Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
