Where did you get a picture of my penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
They are going to name an STD after you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
