hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
