PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
