i jhust puked up my retainher.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
