Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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