Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
