i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
