Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
