You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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