Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
