I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
