just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
