the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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