Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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