i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is Oprah even human
All I want is dick and wine.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
