Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
