I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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