So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
