so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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