Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
