we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
