im having a threesome with these popsicles
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
