I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
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That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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