i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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