im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
