I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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