Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
