Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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