I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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