he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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