Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
