I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
