i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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