I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
