Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
