neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
