I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
