its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
