can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
this is an emotional support booty call
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
