wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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