Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
