the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
