First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
