Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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