Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
