dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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